Settling Affairs
People postpone discussions about death and dying until the last minute. The discussions are difficult. Who gets what? What do you want done with your remains? How do you want the accumulation of your property handled? How do you want children or pets managed? What kind of service do you want performed? Talking about these things is described as “morbid.” But to not handle them puts a great burden on loved ones who then are left to manage all the difficult decisions at a time of mourning without any guidelines about what you wanted to have happen.
For people in healthcare, the decision also involves handling the practice and telling the patients. I left formal practice several years ago. I have only 2 patients and each of them has other therapists. The people I see for SSDI, EDD and the State Department of Rehabilitation I only see once and I don’t treat. But I did have to have the “discussion” with the two patients I have in clinical practice.
I got asked how I cope with medical problems that can potentially be fatal. Evidently people seem to see me as coping well. Here is how I think about it. You take off on a plane ride. Things are smooth, then you hit turbulance and you get nervous. The pilot comes on and tells you you are in for a bumpy ride. You fasten your seatbelt. The bumpiness gets worse and worse and the pilot tells you the plane will crash. You then have a choice about how you spend your remaining time. You can lament that you took the flight. You can scream at the pilot. You can cry and be upset about all you failed to accomplish. You can appreciate all the precious moments you had in your life and realize that everyone is on a plane that is crashing and you have time left to reflect. It’s my third crashing flight, which also makes it easier. Been there, done that. So I’m reflecting. I’m also trying to get everything done.
Let me explain what all needs to be done and this may be a partial list for people. My funeral is planned and paid for in advance. My family will have some say in the service and can add on if they want to but the basic service is all handled. I have a durable power of attorney for health care which allows a family member to make decisions for me if I become not capable of making decisions. I am putting together a living trust which will help my family avoid probate. My insurance policies are all up to date, current, and the beneficiaries are all exactly who I want them to be. I have a will. I have directives to my physicians regarding my care. I have instructions regarding the remnants of my practice. I have disability insurance. In essence my affairs are settled. I’ve have my discussions with God.
This is all planning. It’s not morbid. It doesn’t mean I’m dying tomorrow. It does mean that I’ve thought about the fact that everyone dies. It does mean that I’m not in good health, although I think everyone should have all this regardless of their health status, but not being in good health does make it more pressing.
Ultimately, the only thing you take with you from the plane crash is the relationships you have with people. Make them special.
